The Neurosis of Dogs


My dog is bat-shit crazy. Adorable. Sweet. Loving. Cuddly. And, neurotic as hell.


I’m not going to tell you about intermittent “I’m-Afraid-of-Changing-Floor-Surface” freak outs. Or the “I-Can’t-Go-Down-the-Hallway-with-that-Paper-Scrap-in-the-Way” tales.

zia snowNo… I’m here to tell you all the non-dogfood items my beloved 5-year-old chocolate lab has consumed. Ready for it?

  • Coyote Poop
  • Leather wallet
  • Our friend Brooke’s glasses
  • Deer poop
  • Aluminum foil
  • Dryer lint
  • Aluminum pan(s)
  • About 200 Omega 3-fish oil capsules (pee ewww!)
  • Cat poop
  • Parts of an unknown kind of bird
  • Apples
  • Horse poop
  • $80 cash. Retrieved & then returned to the feds for a refund. (Seriously! You can do this!  The local bank I tried to exchange it with told me so!)
  • Dog poop (hers & others)
  • Vomit. (Hers. The babylady’s. Other dog’s)
  • Entire heads of broccoli
  • Stalks of kale
  • So many cherries she pooped straight pits
  • A beanie baby (pooped pure pellets buckshot style)
  • Kitchen sponge (multiple)
  • A packet of snap pea seeds
  • A bag of sunflower seeds (& the bag)
  • Boxes of crackers (& the box, of course)
  • Endless tissues
  • Human poop. Don’t ask.
  • So many, many stuffed animals
  • A hat
  • Paper plates
  • Diapers (cloth & disposable)
  • Balls
  • Chew toys
  • Plastic utensils
  • Bark
  • “Indestructible” dog bones
  • Parts of towels
  • Pieces of blankets
  • Plastic bags
  • Paper – so much paper
  • 2 pounds of wrapped & hidden Frango chocolate mints.

And lastly, and certainly the most expensive, The Grass Ball.

Yes, she ate enough grass that she nearly died and had to have a bowling ball size ball of compacted grass removed from her belly. They say when they touched her stomach during surgery it stayed indented as if it were play-doh. She is legendary at the 24 hr vet. Years later the vet told me he has pictures of it at home and still refers to her case in conferences and such.

Gotta love the labs…

Whacky, lovable labWhacky, lovable lab

zia_parkI’m gonna eat something watch out…


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